I believe that when people aren’t happy, there are three main reasons:
- Having the wrong strategy. This happens because many don’t understand what happiness is and tend to look for it in the wrong places. More on this in future posts.
- Feelings of unworthiness, aka ‘I’m not enough’ this includes a multitude of ideas about being too old, too young, too tall, too short, too fat, too scrawny, not qualified, not educated, and so on.
- Not receiving. I believe that the saying that it’s better to give than to receive has created a misunderstanding in many that receiving is bad. That’s not what it says, but many of us have received the message with the context that receiving is bad.
For today, I want to dive into the last one – not receiving. As mentioned, many of us develop a false belief that it’s bad to receive. Here’s a quick way of knowing if you’re uncomfortable receiving – do you feel that you have to return a compliment with a compliment? This is not the only symptom of not receiving but it is a very common one. Of course, you may have adopted the habit of doing this because others around you did it. Either way, I encourage you to break this habit and instead start to receive any compliment that you’re given. How? Instead of finding a way to compliment the other person, say “Thank you” and let the compliment in. This may feel uncomfortable in the beginning if you’re not used to this and that’s totally okay. If you do it, it will eventually feel normal (and you may start to notice when others return a compliment with a compliment – that’s okay, too).
While we’re on this subject of receiving there are a few other things that I want to point out:
- Receiving is not the same as taking.
- For there to be a giver, there needs to be a receiver.
- Love isn’t diminished by receiving, it expands by receiving.
Let’s go through these together.
Some of our apprehension about receiving is rooted in the fear of taking from others. But note that there’s a difference between taking and receiving. Taking something, unless the owner told you to take it (which would still be receiving even if we call it taking) implies that you don’t have the owner’s permission; that’s not what receiving is.
Have you ever tried to give a gift to someone and then they didn’t want to accept it? If so, you know that it doesn’t feel great. And if this hasn’t happened to you, just imagine wanting to give to someone and they don’t want to receive what you’re offering them. For there to be a giver there needs to be a receiver. Yes, it is great to give and I encourage you to give but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t also receive. Be a giver and support others in their giving, by receiving when they give to you.
When I envisioned this post on why your cup isn’t full, I pictured an actual cup. To illustrate, imagine that you’re at a diner or coffee shop and the server comes around to refill your coffee; if you want some you move your hands out the way and you might even push your cup forward in the server’s direction. On the other hand when you’ve had enough you might pull the cup back or put your hand over it signaling to the server that you’ve had enough.
In restaurants, this makes sense, these are just little gestures that help us to communicate.
But in life, if you have the belief that it’s bad to receive, then it’s like having your hand over your cup and then wondering why your cup isn’t full.
On top of this, love and other things like knowledge, aren’t diminished in the receiving. Love and knowledge are multiplied in the giving and receiving. A few years ago I realized that this was part of my problem; I felt I was taking something away from others if I received love. Thankfully, I realized and changed that belief.
Have you been holding your hand over your cup and wondering why it’s not full? Let me know if you relate to this post and what change you’re working on making.