Of course, you’re leading your life. But, that’s not the same thing as being the leader of your life. In truth most of our decisions are automatic – that is, we don’t really even think about them anymore. And even when we do think about our decisions we may rule out or not even realize some of our options. Why?
Because instead of leading we’re more concerned about fitting in. We’ve learned since we were little to go along and most of all to avoid standing out.. That means doing what others do and what others would find acceptable while avoiding anything that others would ridicule or criticize.
But here’s the thing – everyone else is doing the same thing. They’re also looking around at us and other people.
Every one of us is both influenced by others and influencing others without even trying.
Since we’re focused on fitting in, we follow others; they’re also trying to fit in and also look to others, including us, to know that they’re fitting in.
But here’s the thing – are the people that you’re trying to fit in with happy? Are they healthy? Do they have good relationships? Are they good at handling money (and this last one is harder to know than you initially might think – having lots of fancy stuff doesn’t mean that someone is good with money. This is one of the Key Takeaways from the Millionaire Next Door).
Chances are, they’re not. And by trying to fit in with them, you keep yourself stuck in behaviors that won’t get you where you want to go.
So, instead worry less about fitting in, and instead focus on making your own life happier and healthier and building your money savvy. By doing so, you’ll start to move your own life in the right direction AND you’ll give others a new example and permission for them to start being the leader of their life, too.
And here’s a bonus tip related to this topic:
When I started out in life, I was scared to talk to people. I was very self-conscious, which I read somewhere is really others consciousness (that is, when we feel self-conscious we’re actually overly aware of others). I felt that everyone else knew what they were doing and I didn’t and what’s more, they could tell that I didn’t know what I was doing.
Somehow I came to see that we all feel this way, or at least we do as we start out. We’re worrying what others think of us, when actually they’re worried about what we think of them and aren’t even thinking of us (except to worry about what we think of them).
So, if you sometimes feel uncomfortable talking with someone, remember that they’re probably feeling uncomfortable as well and work to put them at ease, find out more about them (you could even pretend that you’re the host and you’re there to welcome and entertain others). This will help you to keep your mind off of your own discomfort and instead help you to focus on the other person. As you spend more time doing this it will get easier. I got through the early discomfort by embracing the idea of doing the uncomfortable until it became comfortable. I found that the first time (at anything) was typically the hardest and that afterward it usually wasn’t anywhere nearly as bad as I’d thought it would be. And then each time afterward it got easier and easier.
So embrace doing the uncomfortable. Worry less about fitting in. And remember that others are probably so worried about what you think of them that they’re not really even thinking about you.
Have you ever had a hard time talking with someone? Have you ever realized that you were trying to fit in with the wrong crowd? Post a comment to tell us about it.